would someone please think of the children!

my baby when he was 4 months old

I have always been a dog person.  If someone had a puppy, I would run up pet it and ogle over it.  With kids I was different.  I liked them, but since I hadn’t been around many young kids, I wasn’t used interacting with them.  There were just a few kids that I could easily hold or talk to.  When I saw t.v. shows or read stories about tragedies that happened to children and babies, I thought it was sad, but I never felt it deeply.

When I found out I was pregnant, everything changed.  I was terrified about losing my baby.   Reaching each landmark during pregnancy was a relief.  After I had him, a whole new bunch of fears appeared.  I worried about him getting sick, falling from the couch to the floor, kidnapping, etc.  I had to stop watching “murder shows” because the ones about children broke my heart.  I have this knack for taking things to heart and dwelling on them long after the show is over, even if it is fiction.  News reports about children who are hurt or killed really makes me upset.

Being a mother has really opened my heart to feelings I never knew I could hold.  Now I understand a little more about how loss of children can affect people.  Since I have my own, I could only imagine and I don’t even want to imagine what that is like.  Sometimes I fear going out with my son, in case he catches some disease or we get into an accident.  But I have to rest in knowing that God is a good God.  And if something does happen, I plead that He gives us the peace to endure and grow in Him.  “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways ” declares the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts”…(Isaiah 55:8-)

monumental task

Where we are starting.

I’ve been inspired by a few different sources to work with my son to start memorizing scripture.  I’ve never been good at memorization.  My mom worked with me as I struggled memorizing Bible verses and poems when I was in first grade.  It was a torturous time for me.  I think my son has a leg up in this battle, since he has a spongy brain and is showing signs of being a somewhat smart child.

I want my son to be able to go to scripture when he needs it.  One of my friends was in a horrible car accident that killed her mother and brother and left one of her sisters clinging on to life.  The youngest sister was in shock, but people around her heard her talking and as they got closer to her, they realized she was quoting scripture.  Later she said that her faithful parents taught her these scriptures and they were ingrained in her memory.  I hope this exercise leads to life long memory.  In dark times for Eli or if he is playing with the world, he’ll be able to pull the words of truth from deep within his heart and soul and they would minister to him.  It is my prayer that he would treasure Christ.

update 9.18.09: Eli and I have made it through Matthew 5:1-3.  It’s amazing he remembers the parts where I get stuck!

“what happened to my face!?”

"daddy, what happened to my face?"

That is what Eli said when we put the hood up on his new hoodie in San Francisco.  I never thought I would be a person that would tell stories about my child.  I enjoy hearing about other people’s kids, but who knew the things our child says could be so funny.  It’s kind of crazy to see what is going on in our kids minds.  Here is a short list of things Eli has said that for some reason cracked me up!

Eli pointing at  light brown silky bantam chickens at the Littleton Historical Museum: “Spicy Chicken!”

In reference to grapes: “I want more grape-berries mommy”.

Our friend’s kids like to play with him: “I’m a popular little boy, that’s right!”

Eli on the potty with loose stool: “Worms!  Worm poopy!”

He will hate me one day for posting these and I understand, but what he says are too funny and cute and Lord willing if he ever becomes a father, he will understand.

Update 10.12.2009: Here are a couple more funnies -

When his daddy pulled the back of his pants: “Daddy, don’t pull my tail!”

In reference of driving through fog: “I don’t want to get clouds in my eyes”.

bipolar mommy

I’m not sure that this is normal, but I feel like I’m a bipolar mom.  One minute I can be calling my three year old “sweetie” then in the next instant I may be yelling at him to “STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE!”  I always wanted to be an even keeled mother.  One that doesn’t ever raise their voice.  I never really yelled at anything until we got our dog.  I was pretty patient, but then the yellow beast we fondly call Ronin entered our lives.  He’s our yellow monster.  I’ve posted on the bathed and infused forum about him.  Back to parenting, is there such a thing as a mother that doesn’t yell?  I do not think I’m along the lines of “Mommy Dearest” but I still feel bad about raising my voice.  What is it that kids can push our buttons?  But after they do, you look at them and want to hug them.

my 3 year old took this picture, no photoshopping!

Children are blessings, but they are curses too, that you are constantly thinking about them and hoping nothing bad happens to them.  Reading stories in the news about bad things happening to children really make me sad.  They were sad before I had kids, but even worse now.  I can’t watch “murder shows” anymore because of the ones involving kids.   Blessings come with responsibilities so kids’ are not really curses.  I just sometimes feel that way when I start to worry.  I wouldn’t trade my little boy for anything.  God chose him especially for us and God chose us for him.  Maybe that’s how he knows what buttons to push!

following…

There are a few posts I follow.  When I’m on the computer I check a few blogs to see if they have any new posts up.  I’m always excited to read a new post.  So that got me thinking that I need to post more often.  If I ever do get blog followers or if I want any, I better start posting more often.  For a wordy girl who talks a lot, I tend to freeze up at the keyboard.  It’s easier for me to talk than it is to type.  Maybe one day it will click and I can type as well as I can talk.  Here’s to hoping!

eli’s playlist

I am always amazed when a song is playing and Eli says: “I like this song mommy”.  How do 2-3 year olds know what music they like?

Eli dancing

We usually listen to music while we drive and we like to watch videos on youtube.  In the car we listen and sing along with “Larrybob” to “Veggie Tales Sunday Morning Songs” and “O Veggie Where Art Thou“.  It’s funny while I was working on this post, Eli was bouncing to all the songs.

Here are some songs that Eli likes to sing and dance to:

Buddy Holly by Weezer click to watch!

The Lion Sleeps Tonight Click to watch!

This Video moved, so you can listen to it here: Jon Schmidt version of Love Song.

I do have to say he has a range!  Hope you guys enjoy dancing and singing to Eli’s playlist.

my own island

cc/ ned raggett

For part of my life, I was my own country.  Back in the day when I was adopted from South Korea, it was not part of the process to be naturalized.  My parents wanted me to make that decision on my own.  That was much easier said than done.  Spending hours in line or on the phone at the INS was enough to make one go crazy.  In college I had to travel abroad so I needed to obtain a “white passport” to get back into the US because I was not a citizen yet.  I traveled around the world.  The first stop being Korea.  When I went through the customs line, the agent  was baffled and had to call someone else to look at my travel documents.  They looked at me, then looked at my passport, talked a little and finally let me through.  I couldn’t believe it, my birth country almost didn’t accept me!   I was the girl without a country.

The Internet is crazy.  It has millions of people on it every minute of everyday.  People are surfing the web everywhere.  Maybe I get a few readers, but maybe I don’t.  It feels like I’m talking to myself, but in case someone were to eavesdrop, I talk as if someone were listening.  Does that make sense?  So I’m by myself in a crowd.  It’s kind of like “if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?”  It is kind of a weird thought.

watching paint dry

wall paint red also known as "poinsettia red"

There is nothing more intimidating than a blank canvas.  I’ve said it on my website for my business.  It is not intimidating if it’s someone else’s.  Now I have two very literal canvases sitting on my drafting table.  So in order to avoid facing a blank canvas, I have painted them red.  At least it is a decision and it’s not a white canvas that taunts me.    For some reason just taking a simple step like changing the background color has allowed creativity to happen.  And it’s not as scary.  I’ve just applied my second coat…hopefully it will dry soon.

can i do it?

Since I was little I either wanted to be an artist or an architect.  I was told that architects make a lot of money and that artists barely scrape by.  I did go to school and I ended up graduating with a bachelor in architecture.  Now I’m unemployed kind of…  I did start my own business so we’ll see where that leads, but in the mean time I decided to start an art project.   My blank walls need something.  They were tired of being naked.

I haven’t put a brush to canvas in nine years.  I have part of a vision in my mind of what I want my work to look like, but will it be executed like I have pictured?  If not, at least it will only be going up on my wall.  And if it is really bad, I can always try again on the same canvas.

what is going on here?

Welcome to the experiment that is necessity. With no prospects of employment we are left to our own devices. For no one knows what is best for us but ourselves.  So I started my own business.  I have no clients yet, but hopefully soon something will happen.  I have now taken to the virtual world to get my name out there.  A few years ago we didn’t have to blog to get our name out.  We went through the yellow pages or sent out flyers.  Now I am blogging and I’m on the Denver Examiner website.  I also carry my business card where ever I go.  Who knows who I will run into… Hopefully a potential client.  So it’s all about faith and truly relying on God to provide.